I don’t know if I’ve really clarified, but I work from home.
It’s created a whole new set of challenges (not job related..)
I knew when I took the job I would be busy. It wasn’t going to be a lounge around on the couch, snacking and watching TV day after day kind of job.
But I also think I wasn’t realistic in what I pictured either.
I thought I would at least have a clean house. Clean dishes, clean laundry. Perhaps a well balanced, home cooked meal at the end of each day.
Some days I look around and I realize the house is messier than it ever was when I didn’t work from home. And that, dear readers, is discouraging.
Some days, the scan calls start at 8:15 and don’t stop until 6 or 7. Some days, trying to catch up means I skip lunch. (I actually skip lunch A LOT.) Some days, I wish the little could stay at school just an hour later because her coming home while I am on a call means an even bigger mess. Some days, I look at the clock and realize my hair is a mess, I’ve skipped make up again and find myself feeling deflated. It’s hard to be motivated to look and feel professional when you aren’t actually going to see anyone that day.
But some days, I do manage to run the dishwasher and get a load of laundry done and it feels like a small victory.
Some days we even manage to get our homework done, and a reasonably well balanced dinner prepared before the Daddy person arrives home from work.
But those days are few and far between.
I was never a stay at home mom, but I understand those expectations are very similar. I was a stay at home mom for 8 weeks of maternity leave and then I jumped back in. Working full time with an infant and later a toddler was always challenging. Now that I’m a work from home mom with a Kindergartener and I’m still struggling. I expect too much from myself and too little from the two people living with me. I would love a spotless home. I would love to have less clutter. I would love to feel totally in control and capable.
And some days (rare days) I look around and I appreciate the mess. The mess means we have enough and often times we have too much. The mess means I have a happy child who has a million ways to stimulate and entertain herself (yet most of the time she relies solely on her wonderful imagination – teaching her students, or hanging out with me.) The piles of laundry mean we will always be warm when it’s cold, and cool when it’s hot. The cat and dog hair mean I am surrounded by love, even if my people are not home. The frozen pizza for dinner may not be the healthiest thing but it means our tummies are full and we have more free time for each other.
Some days, I am just so grateful for this time in our lives. Hectic, stressful, challenging. Beautiful.